Gesphania

Dear Rising Roses, have you ever played "Build-A-Man"?

In the dating game as a woman, I have observed one common mistake among many of my fellow sisters. We meet a man that we may be interested in, make the decision to date after getting to know him for a short period, immediately recognize what we like about him, and make it our mission to change what we don't like about him. This "I'm a fix him" mentality has to come to an end.

In the "fix it" relationship we start to invest. Give all of ourselves and sacrifice with the hopes that this man will become the prince charming we have been looking for with a little... or a lot of our help. We groom, invest, pay off his debts, and show him how great of a wife we are though ring-less (side eye). And sometimes all that hard work we put in starts to pay off. You see he's changing, improving, excelling... everything is seemingly great... Until it's not. Until he tells you you're not the one. Then a few months to a year later he's married off to another woman, being the great man that YOU built him to be... but for someone else. I know some of you can tell me some stories of this exact situation you or one of your girlfriends went through.

This coming new year I challenge you all to stop playing "Build-A-Man". Instead of focusing on how you can improve a potential mate, set your sights on what you can do to improve yourself. Think about it... You spend all this time completing him to your standard and when he has reached that standard and looks to you, are you even meeting the same criteria? Then you become surprised when he looks to his left and sees a woman who is complete all on her own. Your focus should be working towards being the best version of you that you can be. Your potential mate doesn't need you to complete him or vice versa. We should be complete without the need of a man's companionship and our mate should be a compliment to our completion.

I'm NOT saying you should be selfish in your relationship. Just do not consistently do for someone that they can clearly do for themselves. It will cripple you both in the long run. Instead, be each other's motivation and encouragement. Be that push for each other to get things done. Set goals and check in with each other towards the completion of those goals. Challenge each other towards progression individually and as a couple. Doing it this way you will be more so grateful for the growth instead of bitter in the case things do not work out.

And if you're in a situation where you are already in the middle of the Build-A-Man game, it's never too late to hit the "game over" button and start the Build-Each-Other version.


Love & Light Rising Roses