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So I'm working for a prescription benefit company out here in Tennessee. It's great pay, benefits, pays the bills and supports my occasional shopaholic relapse (hello, my name is Gess and I'm a re-re-covering shopping addict). Though I'm grateful to The Lord above for providing such an opportunity for me, I'm bored with this position. If I were an aspiring doctor, nurse or pharmacist I'd be on cloud 9 with this job. But my feet are still on solid ground staring up at the clouds.
I also have my online boutique which does fairly well but fashion isn't my #1 passion either. I just have an eye for pieces and I get so excited by them that I share my findings.
My true passion is media. It's what I went to school for and the reason why good ol aunt Sallie Mae is constantly badgering me (Aunt Sallie may pull her hair out when she finds out I might need more school loans. That's a post for another day). I'd love to work for a media network both behind the scenes and in front of the bright lights. It's always been intriguing and exciting to me. Maybe it's not too late.
Time to do some research, send emails, make phone calls and put myself out there. Settling is just not an option for me anymore. Get ready world, here I come!
I survived the hard part, the introduction. Introducing my reason for this blog. Exposing my vulnerabilities and fear of judgement.
I tastefully announced this journey of mine to anyone with willing ears and now I exhale. Exhaling all fear & anxiety and inhaling a new start. New beginnings.
Excitement envelopes every inch of my being as I am being introduced to a refreshing atmosphere of possibilities. Figuratively hitchhiking. With my nap sack over my shoulder I'm at a crossroads. Which way should I go? I could logically analyze each road. But ehhh I'd rather walk blindfolded for a bit and rely on my other senses.
Some may think it's a bit foolish of me but whats success without risk?
I know I'm going to be asked, "How is he?", "Where is he?", "What happened?" I can already feel the strain on my fists and my jaw as I clench them tight after each question.
But after having to politely excuse myself from this uncomfortable situation once again, I've realized this is not about him. It's not about what happened with him, it's about what happened with me.
How am I? Where am I? What happened to me? I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize this person. I lost myself. I lost my voice. I lost what makes me, me.
It's not about him. I have nothing negative to say about him. He is a beautiful lesson. An instrument to my growth. A test of my strength. He, it, I. It doesn't matter anymore. What matters is now. Time to go find myself and walk in faith every step of the way.
Let the search party commence...
Gess laugh, Gess live, Gess love...
