Gesphania

Scrolling through my timeline I come across many things. Most entertaining, some insightful and informative, some funny, others just straight foolish. It's rare that I am unable to put my finger on how a post makes me feel. In fact I don't think it's ever happened, until now.

There was a recent video post by CNN that I stared at blankly even after the video was finished playing. I sat there for a few seconds then pressed replay. I then played it three more times. The video was a 15 second clip of a black male attending a KKK cross lighting. As he watches the fire burn on a cross he says "I respect the fact that you let me come out here and I also respect the fact that you let me leave".

This video is a promo for a new 8 part series on the CNN network titled, United Shades. It follows man in the promo, comedian W. Kamau Bell, as he explores communities across the country and uses comedy to start conversations about race and how our differences unite and divide us. In the premiere episode which aired on Sunday April 24th, Bell meets the supposed "new" Klu Klux Klan (side eye).

I have many emotions running through me as I reflect on the first episode of this new series. The most apparent is anger. The KKK no matter what it supposedly stands for now, stood for complete and utter hatred for the non-white race. This organization has brewed a concentration of evil and has left brutalized bodies, rape, murder, lynching, hanging, bombing, skinning, beheading and torture in it's wake. But yet the United States allows this group and what they have represented to freely practice? And now news leader CNN is promoting this culture of hate to the world to get us to try to understand them better?

And for a black man being open to understanding this representation as well?  The "new" KKK that according to this series believes Jews are a dirty race and interracial marriage is an abomination higher than murder (I can't make this up if I tried).

What is your take on this matter? Sound off. I would like to hear your opinion. Need more of a visual? Check out a 30 second snip-it below.

The other day in having a casual conversation with a friend I was asked why I usually click "Like" on my own photos and my posts. I answered, "Why not, I'm the first one to see the pic and think of the post. I should be the first to like it as well". She responded "Someone is full of herself". I laughed at her comment though I know truth can come out in a joking atmosphere.

This got me thinking, how many others actually practice self acknowledgement? In observation, I've noticed, most times people wait for validation before they begin to form excitement in something they have accomplished or are involved in. For example, I remember as a child whenever my birthday would roll around I would rely on others to make it special. If something was not planned for me or if I did not receive any gifts, my day would be an automatic ruin. This pattern continued into my adolescent years and even to early adulthood. It was not until self evaluation that I questioned this pattern and took steps to change it.

Now in today's digitally driven society, people measure value with the amount of likes received. It's gotten to the point that companies will choose spokes-models based on how many "Likes" their photos receive and do not research their qualifications as much anymore. We have become suckered into this system to the point that it affects our psych on subliminal levels. I've actually witnessed someone post a photo then take it down 1 hour later. When I asked her why, she said it wasn't "like worthy". Like worthy?

My take, you don't need anyone to validate your worth, beauty, importance or value. It's called SELF-Esteem last time I checked. You should be your number 1 cheerleader and motivator and who cares about how many people are with you with those "Likes". Now I'm NOT saying to be arrogant and scream to the skies "I DON'T NEED YOUR VALIDATION!" every time you receive a compliment. Be appreciative when someone does take the time to acknowledge you in a positive form. Just do not let that be what drives your mood or opinion of yourself.

So with that being said, no I'm not full of myself friend!, I just love the me that God created me to be.

Now go start liking your pics and posts! ONWARD!

P.S. I plan my own birthdays now :-p

Rumors turned into reality. Anti-Slavery Activist Harriet Tubman will be the new face of the $20 bill sometime in the year 2020. So far a burst of positive exclamations have circulated on my timeline in support and celebration of Tubman's new acknowledgement. I haven't yet spoken on my stance as I have been pretty torn by the subject matter. But in thinking about it, I am not impressed and I will tell you why.

America continuously tells us to forget about slavery. "It happened, we know it was bad, but now it's over so you need to move on from it." It's like they don't have the understanding to comprehend the extent of damage and the repercussions slavery has had and still is having on black people today. We as a people have been ripped from our land, forced to be enslaved for hundreds of years in unknown territory, our identity was stripped and we are left not knowing exactly where we came from. Families and tribes forever lost. And that is just the surface! I did not mention the torture, embarrassment, humiliation, and the irreparable damage that has been done. And there's more! But I would be left writing a novel. 

In being "freed", we have started from ground 0 with the past following us in every step forward without any assistance from the people that are the cause and so "sorry" it happened. Instead of putting a face of one of our own on money that a majority of us aren't able to claim in large enough quantities, how about we receive reparations for the atomic damage done.

What are Reparations you ask?

Reparations for slavery is the idea that some form of compensatory payment should be made to the descendants of Africans who had been enslaved by the Atlantic Slave Trade.

Think it's a far fetched idea? Well reparations were definitely made to slave OWNERS.

According to the National Archives and Records Administration, The District of Columbia Emancipation Act paved the way to compensate slave owners for their “loyalty to the Union” and for the loss of income incurred by freeing slaves.

On April 16, 1862, President Abraham Lincoln signed a bill ending slavery in the District of Columbia. Passage of this law came 8 1/2 months before President Lincoln issued his Emancipation Proclamation. The act brought to a conclusion decades of agitation aimed at ending what antislavery advocates called “the national shame” of slavery in the nation’s capital. It provided for immediate emancipation, compensation to former owners who were loyal to the Union of up to $300 for each freed slave, voluntary colonization of former slaves to locations outside the United States, and payments of up to $100 for each person choosing emigration. 

Over the next 9 months, the Board of Commissioners appointed to administer the act approved 

930 petitions, completely or in part, from former owners for the freedom of 2,989 former slaves.


Today $300.00 per slave would be equivalent to $8,369.80 per slave. Do that math.

I believe this is just another historical band aid to blind us from the real issue. I am not taking any shine away from Ms. Tubman. She has paved the way for many others after her to fight the good fight towards the equality that we shouldn't have had to fight for in the first place. But honestly, do you really think she would be grateful for this accolade?  

Not impressed

While catching up on all the shows I missed during the week (No time for TV so I stream everything online), I came across a new show that highlights living with a comedian. Appropriately titled "Living With Funny", the show follows the every day life five successful comedians and their significant other. In checking out the first episode I had a few laughs at how these guys supposedly live their day to day. In the introduction of the cast, one of the members "normal" took me by surprise. Comedian Deray Davis. Known for his roles in "Barbershop", "21 Jump Street", "Wild N Out", and most recently his brief appearance on Empire, not only has one but TWO girlfriends that live with him.

Named Coco and Caro, these two women seem to get along quite well and claim they have been with Davis for years. I just watched blank faced as I observed their interaction together. If I didn't know any better I'd think the three of them were just three best friends. They call it a "Three-lationship".

Now y'all already know how I feel about "side chicks" (read my This Is For The Side Chicks post), but these women are well aware of each other and agreeing to participate in relationship dynamic.

My first thought was what is happening in the realm of relationships? Is it getting more difficult to stay faithful in a monogamous relationship? Is the shortage of men especially black men resulting in women having to double team? Are people just freaks and as the world becomes more accepting of everything, people aren't as afraid to boldly expose their sexual fetishes? Is it even about sex? Or maybe people are looking to enter these relationships to build a stronger financial foundation. That explanation would make more sense to me. Since he has what I call "Side by Side Chicks" (because he isn't married to either of them), does he have side chicks in addition? I clearly have an overflow of questions.

What do you think about a Three-lationship? Would you be in one? I'd love to read your thoughts and opinions on this one!

I make 30 look good! Yup I said It!

It finally happened. That moment I was half dreading and half looking forward to. I turned 30. Reaching this milestone of course brings automatic reflection of my life thus far. I thought about my childhood, my upbringing. I thought about the all time highs and the devastating lows up until this point. I thought about my dreams, plans and deadlines I set for myself and if I reached them. In thinking about all this I realize I have so much to do. Taking the time to look back when I was in my 20's, I wish I could have been given some direction by the 30 year old me. But now that I'm here, I'd like to give the present me advice that I believe the me in future would provide. I also extend this advice to you:

You have so many interests and talents but find your passion in the one that drives you and cultivate it:

If you're anything like me you have multiple dreams. Many things career wise that you want to accomplish. Sometimes when you focus on everything at once, they all suffer because you aren't able to master your craft. Pick the talent that gets your gears going and nurture that. Once you're successful in it, you will have the financial freedom to dabble into the others.

Make No Room For "Frenemies".

I know you know what I'm talking about. That one female that doesn't like you but stay trying to keep up with your life. We women tend to speak in code and we pick up on shade quickly. If you sense she's not genuine, cut her off! Trust your instincts. There is no room for negativity. You are filled to capacity with positive things so have that frenemy move out of your way and let you rise!

If you're unhappy about something, stop dwelling and change it!

As women, we are always picking at ourselves. Our looks, our weight, our hair, etc. And we will just sit and complain and get down on ourselves and cry. You know you've been there! Shoot I've definitely been there! You don't like something, get up and begin the change! Whether it's exercising to slim the waist down or lift the butt up! Or researching the best diet for clear skin. Maybe you are not happy about your career or financial status. Meet with a financial planner. Brainstorm on how to get to the next level in your career and execute steps to get there. Your problems are only a solution away! 

Stimulate Your Mind

Just because you've graduated doesn't mean learning ends. The world is full of so much knowledge. Don't wait for a news broadcast to get you hipp to your surroundings. Read books, watch tutorials, participate in discussions, get involved in your community, stay on top of current events. Keep your mind active. Remember once your mind starts slipping, the body will follow.

Travel

Budget in Traveling. Don't limit yourself to your backyard. There is a world to explore. Different cultures to experience. Adventures to be had! As cliche as this may sound, you only have one life to live so live it!

Surrender To Love But Don't Settle

I am a hopeless romantic. But in being that, in the past I was that "we gotta make it work no matter what" girl. The "I may not be happy but we've been together this long" chick. The "What will people think if this doesn't work" lady. The "I gotta keep up appearances to save face" woman. UMMMM This grown woman don't play that game anymore. In being hurt in a relationship we can come off bitter and put up a wall. But I challenge you to be open to love when it comes your way. BUT never settle for anything less than the man of your dreams! Don't ever feel like you're trapped or care what people think if it doesn't work out. Hold your head high and live babygirl! 

Love Yourself!

We hear this all of the time but do we really take heed to the advice? Learning to truly love yourself is a process. I always say it like this, "I love me. Everything about me and all the things that make me, me. And if I feel something about me isn't quite there yet, I'm going to enjoy making the awesome me, even better". The combination of your features, personality and characteristics make you unique. Own the fact that there is no one on this earth like you and you can only get better.

Take Care Of Your Body

In our teens and 20s we got away with the hot cheese chip snacks, the bag of gummie bears and going for seconds at the BBQ. At 30 your body will be begging you to stop the madness. So STOP! If you haven't yet started, create healthier eating habits. Try new foods that are not only good for you but taste amazing. Explore your culinary palette. Once you educate yourself on what those crazy snacks do to your body, you'll never crave them again (most times).

Don't Play The Comparison Game

You know the game. He has this, She has that, They have this, Do I have it too? Girl stop. One of my motto's is "I am the only one running my race and if I spend even one second looking over at someone else's marathon over there, I will trip and bust my ass during mine". Don't compare your life to others. It's a waste of time and a hindrance to your own journey. You'll end up taking longer to get to your finish line instead of enjoying your win sooner.


Those are a few key points I will make sure to execute for the remainder of my life (which prayerfully will be another 1000 years). I hope these tidbits help you throughout your journey as well.

Now go live!