"That's why you're a whore. That's why your ex doesn't want you. That's why you're alone."
Words spoken to me by the first lady of my church in Knoxville, TN. Yes ladies and gentleman the pastor's wife who up until yesterday was a role model and mentor to me, spewed those words from her "sanctified" mouth. Her and her husband had a few counselling sessions with me. I can recall them saying "you can trust us", "What's said in our sessions stay here", "We are not here to judge, we are here for you" (Insert Halo Here). I guess those words of reassurance went out the window once she was faced with conflict.
It all started with a dress (This is such a long story but I'll try to make it short and sweet). As some of you know I sell dresses. She needed a dress for the church's yearly valentines day dinner. Being that she was such a help to me through difficult times, I did not want to charge her the retail price for the gown. I didnt want to make any profit off of her whatsoever. So she paid the wholesale price. A whopping $60.00 (Sixty dollars... side eye). I asked her for her size and she confidently told me Size 8. Before I ordered the dress, I asked her two more times just to make sure I was ordering the right size.
So the dress comes in. I deliver the package to her and stay to help her try it on. As it turns out the dress does not fit. Wholesalers do not accept returns but I really wanted her to have a nice dress for the dinner so the next order I paid for out of my pocket.
While waiting for the order, I received multiple texts daily regarding the status of shipment. I knew she just wanted to receive her dress on time so I provided her the tracking number to ensure that it was on it's way. She stated that she is the customer and giving her updates was MY job. I was confused slightly because I didn't view her as a customer. I viewed her as a friend that I wanted to do a nice favor for. But I brushed off the seemingly rude remark. So the dress comes in. Not even opening the box I hand it to her husband, relieved that it came just in time. But this time the wholesaler sends me the wrong size. It's a size 14, now too big. By this point "my mentor" is upset and wants a refund. I suggested that she may be able to take the dress to a tailor for a quick close. As stunning as that dress was it would be a shame not to wear it. She declines my suggestion and states she wants a refund.
Because she told me the wrong size, and I had to pay out of pocket for the second dress, as it turns out I wouldnt have been able to give her a refund. When I relayed this information to her she immediately became abrupt, rude and even threatened me. Stating if I don't refund her money then I can find a new church to go to. Since when could a member be kicked out of his/her church for a misunderstanding unrelated to the church? She also threatened me stating that if I didnt show up with her money then I will see what would happen to me. I took it all as empty threats. I assumed she was just angry and needed to cool off. I figured we could discuss the issue and come to a compromise. I thought wrong.
On Sunday (which was yesterday) As I excused myself to go to the bathroom, she cornered me demanding her money. And when I repeated my suggestion for resolution she became hostile. Using her hands to physically block my path to the restroom. I became upset repeatedly telling her not to touch me, and asking her how could a woman of her position, a woman of God, The First Lady of the church act in such a manner. She replied with "that's why you're a whore. That's why your ex doesnt want you. That's why you're alone." Her manner was beyond believable to me. This was the same woman lifting her hands and praising God moments ago.
As angry as I became all I feel is bad for her and pray for her soul. She is a woman that is one of the Church's spiritual leaders. She teaches workshops and bible studies in the church. She even taught a class for young girls to teach them how to embody the Proverbs 31 woman WITH ME as her co-teacher. I could have called her out of her name. I could have tried to hurt her the way she did me. But I realize I'm better than that. And I'm absolutely not who she says I am. She's just another person with an opinion. It's just sad that she is put in a spiritual leadership position when she in my opinion is not in the right state of mind. As expected I'm moving forward. I have my whole life ahead and so many opportunities just waiting for me while in her 50's, she holds on to what little youth she has left (Did I throw some shade just now? Maybe a little :-p). And my life continues fabulously ;-)
I am so sorry Gess. I guess it is times like this, when we see the imperfections of our leaders, that we realize that they are human just like us. The people we let in, that we open up to, that we put our trust in are the same people that tend to hurt us. The enemy knows exactly what he was doing, and he knew exactly who to use to get to you. I am so happy that you realized that you must forgive her and pray for her. This is will not only give you the peace in your heart (that you deserve) but it will also help her open her eyes and recognize when the enemy is trying to use her as a tool. I love you Gess, thank you for sharing your journey with us, thank you for being transparent and showing us that we are all human, we all have our imperfections, and we all hurt. It is when we witness people falling and getting back up that we grow inspired.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouragement. Truly has uplifted my spirit. I pray all is wonderful with you and I love you as well dear
DeleteThat's crazy! But I will challenge you on the basis of her being a "spiritual leader". A title means nothing in the spiritual sense!
ReplyDeleteYou are right. But leaders also have a responsibility to be an example of whatever message they are teaching to others.
DeleteWow, but WAY TO GO GESS!! You did great and I am so proud of you. You stood with your head held high! God bless sis and keep moving forward! :-) Life is too short for nonsense. Love you sis!
ReplyDeleteSometimes emotions can cloud our judgement. In the situation I was extremely upset but going to her level just wasn't the route I wanted to choose. Thank you for reading!
DeleteWow!
ReplyDelete