Gesphania

Photo Cred: QREV Production

During the busy work week in the midst of deadlines, scheduling, errands, planning and just organizing daily life, there is one day, mid-week that I look forward to. That day is Thursday. Why? No I'm not waiting to drink in celebration of "Thirsty Thursdays", I'm not waiting for the clock to strike midnight so I can be the first to post an old photo for "Throwback Thursday", I am not even apart of the people excited for their favorite Thursday night show to come on (sorry Scandal). Why does Thursday excite me? It is the day my workout begins.

Thursday and Friday and I set aside a few hours to hit the gym. Now I did not always have this discipline. Being relatively small all my life (and when I say relatively I really mean I was scarily skinny), exercise was the last thing on my mind. Just walking up one staircase I worried I would be 5 pounds lighter by the time I reached the top. I avoided losing weight so physical health was not a top priority. Until my body started to catch up with my age. In less than 2 years I put on 35 pounds. I love and embrace the new figure but to make sure it doesn't get out of control, I opened a gym membership.

Now at first my only excitement to joining a gym was the idea of wearing cute workout gear. I looked the part but did not look forward to the process. Contrary to all of those Gatorade commercials where the athlete makes it look so easy and inspiring, exercise hurts and it's hard. At least that was my initial experience. I complained, I made faces of frustration, I stopped every two seconds, I ran to the water cooler every chance I got. Don't laugh at this rookie!

But over time my body began to like the pressure. Now I'm not saying it became painless but I enjoy the challenge of surpassing previous limitations. It became more than just shaping by body. Exercise is a release. In my mind, the machines and the equipment represent the obstacles and the barriers that may present themselves in life. And pushing myself past what I think is my limit represents me knocking down those walls.

My favorite machine is the treadmill. On that machine I'm a track star (in my head). Can't no one tell me nothing! Every time I feel my legs burning, instead of stopping, I visualize my life journey. All the hurdles set forth in attempt to deter me from reaching the finish line. With that thought I push harder. I clench my jaw, I squint my eyes and I BEAST that treadmill! When my timer goes off and the race for that moment is over, I walk away feeling triumphant and encouraged to tackle life in the same manner.

Exercise may help you attain and maintain physical attractiveness, but it also does a work in you on the inside. You not only look good but you feel good physically, mentally and even spiritually. We work so hard on reaching our financial, educational and personal goals, but do we take the time to nurture our bodies, our temple? And it takes more work than adorning that figure with the latest attire, rocking the newest shoes and getting glam with our newest matte lippie. We must make it priority to work the inside out as well.

As hard as it may feel, the great thing about it is we will not only be metaphorically kicking life challenges' butt, we will also be keeping our health in check, adding a boost to our spirit and looking great while doing so! What is there not to love about that!

With all this being said, for those pushing past the limit either at the gym, consistently taking runs in your city or putting in work at home, I salute you and your drive. Keep going! For those who want to start exercising, make plans to start today! You can do it! And yes it will hurt, yes you will feel pain and scream at times (I by the way scream every time), But it will be worth it. I am cheering you on!

3 more days until Thursday! I am ready.

I never thought I'd seriously be part of another congregation again. And this is coming from someone who has been part of the church and Christian faith since birth. I loved going. Being apart of a spiritual family, a community. But after a few horrible experiences from not only church members but church leaders, I shut down and backed away slowly.

Now my plan was never to walk away from God, but I was unknowingly doing so by partially feeding my spirit. I say partially because yes I read The Word on my own, downloaded daily devotional apps (My favorite is Saved In The City), registered with an online faith based study course that had an assessment at the end of every lesson, attended bible study here and there at my family's church... Your girl thought she was all set! But I was still sinking. I felt as if I was drained.

My main issue was trusting people again. I thought, how can I sing, share, participate in ministries with people that may potentially hurt me in the end? I used to be so active in the church. Choir was my favorite. I could sing to the Lord all day long. Dancing was my 2nd spiritual outlet. I wouldn't let anything deter me from going to service. Come rain or shine, whether I had a car, had to take the bus, or walk sometimes, I was there. How did I fall so far? How did I allow the mistakes of man, the mistakes that I made myself, hold me back from being apart of the body of Christ? That is what a church is, and we are all pieces of that body. And each piece is essential to the body functioning properly.

In reflection, I've come to learn, the church is not full of perfect people. It is full of imperfect people seeking guidance from a perfect God. This means, even though most times we mean well, we can and will make mistakes. We may do horrible things to one another. And none of us is exempt from falling. But there is strength in numbers and as a member of a church you have people that can hold you accountable and that you are held accountable to. You have people that can stand with you, and remind you of God's promise when you are discouraged. You have people that can pray for you through the tough times. This is what I was missing in walking away from The Body.

I was hurt by someone in my former church (as some of you may know), and didn't go back for months. Then I moved away. Out of the state. I haven't been a devoted member of a church since I moved over two years ago, but I am taking that first step and beginning my journey to find a church home that can refill my spirit. 

If you are going through a similar situation, if you left your church because of hurt that someone else caused you, or you are embarrassed by a mistake that you have made, as long as the church doctrine is scripture based, I implore you to go back. As hard as it may be, as embarrassed as you may feel at the moment, as angry as you may be, go back. And if The Truth is not being taught where you were, as in, if the teachings are not bible based, start looking for and seeking God's direction to lead you where you need to be.

For those of you that have never been to a church, used to go to church as a kid but just stopped as you got older, or identify yourself as having no faith, what I am saying may be foreign to you. You may believe there is no God but yet from time to time you find yourself feeling lost or empty or feeling like something is missing. You've been depressed or sad before and are not quite sure why. You do right by others, are nice, and your definition of bonding is hanging with friends and getting "nice" together at the bar. Or maybe you feel like there is some higher power out there and are spiritual, but don't identify with a particular faith. If you fall into any of these categories, I challenge you to go to church just to see what it's like. It may just change your life.

I look forward to where God will lead me. I put it all in His hands and am excited to experience what will manifest from my faith during this continued journey of life. And I press forward.

A few of my friends (Some are missing up there but eh couldn't fit everybody LOL). Y'all ROCK! xoxo

I value friendship. Not just any friendship. Genuine friendship. I am like a broken record when it comes to this core value. If you follow me on Facebook, it's my disclaimer whenever I am posting a photo with someone I call friend. As I am growing, I am starting to realize and recognize during my life journey, not everyone who I meet on my path are here for the long haul. The dynamic has definitely changed over the years especially during the transition from my 20s to 30s.

In my 20s my circle was slightly larger. I was open to meeting new faces and giving "new" friends a try. We had to have something in common. Whether it's work, school or similar social circles. I found myself sharing my time, my personal life and even a few of my tears with people who seemed to be potential lifelong friends. It was not until my surroundings changed that I started to see less and less of those now not so new faces.

Many of these friends I met through former relationships. When in a relationship, of course, everyone wants to get to know the new special someone. With introduction, opened a whirlwind of get-together's, dinners, road trips, heart-to-hearts, reassuring dialogue, comforting hugs, text messages, phone calls, check-ins, photo ops, social media tags, wall posts, favors, laughs, cliques, tea and all sorts of bonding with my new group of friends. It was great! For years mind you. And then when the relationship ends and I make my exit, I was left with concerning texts and calls from a few (most likely just wanting all the juicy details of what happened), a few hellos here and there, and then a complete halt.

Some became enemies (not by my choice), others turned into strangers and acquaintances. Only a limited few remained genuine and kept building a friendship with me. I found it fascinating actually. It made me reevaluate the term friend. My thought and description of a friend evolved. It also helped me take a look at myself and put myself in check to assure I do not become a "friend of circumstance" to those I've formed bonds with. So with this experience (which I am grateful for), I am able to share with you what you should look for in a friendship.

A friend is unconditionally there for you without biases or hidden agendas. 

Someone you can rely on. They do not have to speak to you everyday or frequent for that matter, but if you do need them for anything, if it is within their means, they will be there. And even if they cannot be there for you in that moment, they offer whatever resource they can to assist you even if it's just lending their ear.

A friend is with you through all the motions.

Filled with joy for your moments of triumph, will mourn with you in moments of defeat, and will stand with you and be that rock while you pick up the pieces.

A friend not only cares about you.

They care about your surroundings and who you allow into your life.

A friend has your best interest at heart.

They will be honest with you even if the truth is not what you want to hear in that moment.

A friend will pour into your spirit.

They will pray for you and encourage you during your walk with God.

And you will be all that to your friend as well.

As you grow and mature, it is less about who is going with you to get your nails done, go out for drinks with, who is down to be your backup in a confrontation or who is there to listen to all your tea. It is more so about who will remain when the seasons of your life change.

I am so grateful to have a handful of people that I can call genuine. For those who faded from my journey, I hold no anger or malice towards them. I am also grateful to have had that learning experience. They have surely helped me in my growth as well and my smile is still genuine in passing if I happen to see them.

What is your definitions of a friend? How is your friendship dynamic changed over the years? And what have you learned from it?

So it's official, Janet Jackson is pregnant with her first child. Two weeks ago the superstar songstress announced to her fans that she had to cut her world tour short because she was planning a family with her husband. I immediately assumed adoption or surrogacy but low and behold just a few weeks shy of her 50th birthday, Ms. Jackson is pregnant.

This news has automatically sparked  discussion regarding how risky is it for a woman reaching the golden season life to have a child. Due to the singer's age, doctors say there are major risks and complications that could pose themselves during the pregnancy especially during the first trimester. Interestingly enough, doctors say at her age she had a 1% chance of conceiving.

Though the odds are thought to be against them, in today's times, women are starting families much later in age as compared to even a decade ago. According to the CDC, the number of women who are getting pregnant over the age of 50 has increased 165% in the last 15 years. Doctors say as more fertility treatments become available and technology improves, women have more of a choice to delay bringing life into this world.

Usually after 30, women who haven't had a child start to become worrisome that their time will soon run out which leaves them in a hurry to find "Mr. Right" to get busy right away. These new findings bring slight pressure off the woman worried about her biological clock. She can put focus back on herself and reaching her life goals instead of putting babies in the forefront.

Being in that age bracket myself, I surely can relate and breathe a little easier for this time extension. I personally have so much that I want to do and accomplish that a "mini me" is the last thing on my list currently. 35-40 is more realistic and desired at this point.

So kudos to Ms. Jackson and all the other women over 40 pushing the clock out of their way. Not saying having these blessings earlier in life is unwelcome either. Whether you are in your 20s or ready to celebrate your 50th, it's more so about when you are ready instead of being pressured by that nagging clock.

How do you feel about women starting families later in life?

Photo Credit: QREV Production

Have you ever prayed for something in your life and in that same season your friend receives exactly what you have been longing for? It's happened to me. In one situation, I remember, I felt a sense of overwhelming joy, sadness anger, and excitement all at once. I was joyous for my friend, but was screaming "What about me!" on the inside. If this has happened to you, do not get down on yourself as it is human nature to sometimes get this way BUT as critical thinkers, when faced with negative emotion, we must question why we feel the way we do and counter how to evolve from it.

Recently I received great news from a friend and I screamed in joy when she called me to share. All smiles, grinning from ear to ear, I sung praises of encouragement and pressed on making plans to celebrate. As soon as the call ended, I sat in my car for a few moments as it sunk in that she received something I was praying for. In silence, I walked into the house, went straight to the bathroom, and shrieked with tears of anger. I calmed down, washed my face and sulked for the remainder of the day.

"Why not me" was the song I sang. "I've wanted this longer", I complained. And after these words were repeated in my mind for the millionth time, I stopped to question, why do I even feel this way? Should I feel a sense of guilt for raining on my friend's parade? Or should my friend have been a little more compassionate when sharing the news with me as she knew I wanted the same for myself?

I believe there is a balance between the two. As friends, we should celebrate and share our successes with each other. At the same time, we should be considerate in the manner in which we share our good news especially to our friends that may want the same for themselves. Now some of you may say, "Why should I tone down my happiness for the sake of my friend's feelings? I worked hard to get here. She should just be happy for me and keep grinding to get to where she needs to be". But take into consideration that your friend may have been working just as hard and may not have the same opportunities, connections or platform that you do. Not everyone with the same dream is afforded the same opportunities. Be tactful in how you share the advances in your life and also offer to be of assistance to your friend to help her get to where she needs to be since you have completed the path to get there.

Now for the friend who has received the other end of the stick, do not downplay the success of your friend because she has reached a height that you are still climbing towards. Be genuinely happy for her and offer encouragement. At the same instance, make time to sit down with your friend and be honest about how you feel. The worst thing you can do is smile in someone's face and complain behind their back. Because if word comes back to your friend that you've been upset because of her success, you will be perceived as not genuine and "fake".

How do you think friends should handle each other's success that they may want for themselves? Can you relate? What are techniques you have used in handling this type of situation. I want to hear from you.

We are almost halfway into the year. "Time flies" is more than just a saying. It seems as if this life moves rather swiftly. We are born, and in the blink of an eye, we can be off onto the next journey beyond this current reality. As humans, our time on this earth has been short relative to how long this planet is estimated to have existed.

As we come and go, one thing we haven't quite gotten the hang of is loss. Particularly loss of life. It has been occurring since the beginning of time but yet it hits hard every instance we lose someone. Death is an end that is coming for everyone but yet is something that we are never prepared to accept.

I am not here to show you how to accept death because that is something I have far from mastered, but I can share how I move forward when I endure a loss.

No matter how many times it happens, sheer concentrated emotion envelopes our being each time someone who was once in our world leaves us (Now when I say "world" I don't mean in the literal sense. Everyone has their own world that they are living in. But I will elaborate more on that in a future post). We are in disbelief, shock, we say words like, "gone too soon", "I can't believe it", "this hurts so much". We cry for days, weeks, months even. That person not being there makes us feel as if they took a piece of us with them. To be blunt, it sucks. How do we keep going when that person does not have that opportunity? Over time, after the tears and pain, I have found a few techniques to move forward from loss.

Talk About It

I think the biggest mistake I make when I am upset or hurting is keeping those emotions bottled inside. Find someone to confide in. Talking about your pain and how you feel kick starts the process towards healing.

Prayer

When I find no one else understands, I know God who created everything will most definitely understand my hurt. Though I can't hear a voice speaking back to me, I feel a sense of peace after I pour my soul and place it at the feet of God. I metaphorically drop it all there and walk way with the faith that life will get better. Faith plays a big role towards positive outcome.

Write 

Writing is my number 1 outlet (hence this blog). I have been writing in a journal since the age of 9. There are so many benefits to journal writing. You are able to release everything onto those pages. Things that may be hard to say aloud. Journal writing can also bring clarity. After you write everything out, after a few days go back and reread what you wrote and compare how you felt then to how you feel now. You may be able to answer possible questions you posed or understand yourself better in doing so.

Celebrate Their Life

Celebrate the life of your loved one through your life. Talk about everything you loved about that person, reflect on what he or she instilled in you, start a project or foundation in that person's name. These are a few ideas that will keep their memory alive long after they're gone.

Continue LIVING

As hard as it can be, no matter how you are feeling at the time, life will still continue regardless and the world will keep spinning. Cherish your journey on this earth and make the very best out of it. Do what makes you happy as long as you are not hurting others, your body, or your spirit in the process. I say that because temporary "feel goods" like drugs, alcohol to the point of drunkenness, etc, are never a way to cope or help you move forward in a positive way. Reach for success, form healthy friendships, bond with your family, cultivate your dreams, help others, make your mark on the planet. Let your time here be a beautifully productive one.


I hope these techniques are helpful. Know that in your pain there will be healing to follow so instead of allowing yourself to drown in your sorrow, push yourself to take the steps to move forward.

If no one has said it to you today, I love you as a human being, you will be okay, your life will blossom beautifully, yes from time to time you will endure pain, but if you are willing to press on, you will overcome it as well.