Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Kenya Moore: A positive lesson from a not so positive experience


Today as I was scrolling through my Facebook timeline I came across a post from the fabulous Kenya Moore. Now everyone who keeps up with the newly "Life Twirls On" star via TV, social media and the pageant circuit knows this woman is usually a burst of positivity, laughter and optimism. 

Before I began to read, I readied my mind to take in some positive vibes from the former Miss USA. A few seconds into reading her post, my brain picks out the words "Unfortunately", "Man", "Was married", "Devastated"... My initial thought was " What a piece of $^%&^*)(&_)*)(&*&%^%$%# man". I was clearly in my feelings as if this were done to my best friend or sister, but then again, I feel a connection to all women so regardless my anger level still would be past a 10.

As I continued reading, my brain focused on the words "However", "Still believe", "Love", "Heart remains open".... Wow, I thought to myself. It got me thinking and reflecting. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a different journey. Looking at Kenya Moore, though I do not know her, she seems to have it all. She's gorgeous, successful, intelligent, financially secure, has a magnetic personality, kind-heart-ed (most times lol), and driven to have the best life she can. Though she has all this, she conveys that she refuses to settle until she accomplishes every goal on her list.

I'm sure life was not always easy for her. I'm sure she had struggles and difficulties. But the point is she doesn't let those trials deter or discourage her from what she desires. She still desires a husband. She still looks forward to a family. She is now in her 40s, never married, no kids and she hasn't stopped hoping or requiring the very best.

I believe this is how it should be for us all in regards to what we want out of this life. We all have a story, a path, a journey to explore. Sometimes we look to our left and see others making leaps and bounds on their journey while we may be stumbling on ours at the time. This tends to be discouraging, bring depression and even envy. But we have to remind ourselves that we are only in a race with ourselves. To keep looking ahead and focus on our own goals and dreams. Just because something that you thought was "it" does not work out, doesn't mean you give up completely.

What's life without hope?

So I applaud you Ms. Moore and my hope is that your King is out there being prepared just for you.
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Sunday, April 26, 2015

Weave- Esteem


It seems like I've been on a hiatus for a few months. I haven't been in hiding. I've just been focusing on myself. Seeking God for direction and working on my growth in every aspect. Though I am truly grateful for each day God has afforded to me, and the smile on my face is genuine, a part of me was going through a process of hurt. It took me to pay attention to even the most miniscule characteristic to identify and realize that I was still hurting.

In this life trials come. We can't avoid it, we can't hide from it, we can't even escape from our problems. Running from problems just prolongs the process of resolution. My previous preferred method was either running from or masking my issues with things.

One "mask" I used was weave. Long, shiny, beautiful tresses sewed onto my hair in different hues and colors that I clearly was not born with. I was born with a full head of hair. It was medium long, black and shiny. I remember loving the way it looked. Dolling it up with curls, feeling free with waves, getting sporty with ponytails, and sophisticated with up-dos. It wasn't until my third year of college that I was introduced to the weave world.

I found myself comparing my looks to those of other beautiful women. Wanting to look more like what I thought was appealing. Looking to receive acceptance, love and attention I figured if I changed my look, it would help me receive that love I was looking for. So I tried it. My first weave matched the color of my own hair. It was so long down to my hips, full with curls at the end. I seemed to love it and love seemed to look my way. My confidence rose, my happiness elevated, I thought I found the solution... until I was urged to explore more styles. Look different every few weeks.

So I explored. Different styles, cuts, colors, layers. All to feel that acceptance. In the meanwhile the tresses growing from my scalp were suffering. Each time I took out my weave waiting to add new weave, I was more disgusted with my real hair and thought I was quite hideous without it. How did that happen? I used to love my hair. How did I let low self esteem and self hate creep into my life? I did not even recognize it. I did not even know I was suffering from low self esteem.

On the outside I'm a pretty happy, upbeat, positive and social person. I have younger girls who look up to me and aspire to be like me which I find humbling. How was I able to convey so much positivity and carry such hurt unknowingly? It took me to be questioned about my weave and challenged not to wear it for me to realize how much importance I gave it. I made excuse after excuse as to why I needed the faux tresses on my head:

"It protects my real hair"
"It's an expression of my creativity"
"I like to keep things fresh and new"
"My hair could not possibly do all the hairstyles weave could do without falling out"
"My hair isn't the length I want so I'm wearing weave until it gets there"

And after all the excuses I was still challenged to go one day without it. So boldly I did. I convinced myself that it would make no difference with or without the extra locks... Until I looked in the mirror without them. Freshly washed, dried and styled I stared at my hair. My hair that suffered years of neglect. The once medium-long black hair was replaced by shorter stressed strands. I immediately hated what I saw and wanted a new sew in ASAP. With that reaction I realized I relied on artificial add ons for beauty. That feeling did not sit well with me.

I was taught as a child to love myself. That God created perfection when he created me. That's the mindset I always had... or at least I thought I had. This forced me to take a hard look at myself and learn to love myself all over again with the help of God. I got rid of the weave and poured love and care into my hair again. It surely was not easy. I faced my insecurity head on and let my creativity take over. I dabbled into new hairstyles as my hair grew back to life.

Now I'm at a point where I love myself completely. The high self esteem not only shows on the outside, but is also gleaming on the inside.

I've learned that it is impossible to gain something genuine like love from something cosmetic. Self esteem, love, joy, happiness comes from the confidence that God has placed inside of you and they maintain through continuous seeking of His word. No material possession can replace what you lack inward. Taking care of your mind, heart and spirit will in turn reflect on your outward appearance. 

Now I'm not bashing the women who do wear weave. There's nothing wrong with makeup, faux hair, jewelry and all the other glitters of beauty add ons. What's wrong is if one relies on these things to feel beautiful & accepted. It is a problem if you see yourself as unappealing without them as I once did. I am grateful to God I was able to break free. 

 With that I'm happy to say (as cliche as it may sound) that I love me just the way God created me.

It's a great feeling 
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